36 weeks//bikini photo shoot//really 38 weeks

38 weeks and counting down the minutes. I still have plenty to do at work, just waiting for some last minutes plans to be put into place, but still expecting that at any minute Ill start having contractions and he'll be here! I can always finish up those things after he comes, but it leaves me with anxiety. The house seems as clean as can be, all the laundry is caught up, guest rooms ready, and projects almost complete. I think he will be here soon!

*I assure you, that is not my nipple in this last picture. looks like the sun glare right next to a big freckle! Sorry

Dear baby bird,

We have finally come to agree on your name!!! We both had gone back and forth with so many different names, ideas, and tried to make it sound perfect and also "feel" perfect to us. We have thought of so many, and just out of the blue, came up with these 2 (first and last) and fell in love. It's the feeling I've been waiting for the last 9 months in order to feel content! Now I feel ready, well as long as he still comes out a boy!!. I am 36 weeks in these pictures, but today I am 38 weeks. I decided to take some pictures in my bathing suit because I feel like it shows my true, real, and complete pregnancy body. Although I have not gained a whole lot of extra weight, I still have issues with the weight gain, my body changes, and how others perceive me (especially your daddy).

I have become very comfortable with my pregnancy body, but also very insecure. I guess thats expected when a mommy goes through this process. I tried not to photoshop anything in these pictures except the color balances of the photos, and a few real big glitches. I also understand that it's a little revealing, but it's something I wanted to do and have to look back on 30-40 years from now.

I am now anxiously waiting each day for you to come. I had my 38 week check yesterday and the Dr. said that you have dropped, I am 100% effaced, and 2 cm dilated. Meaning, you could come any day, any moment! I cannot wait!!! I have everything ready for you, ready for me, and ready for our emotions as parents. Well maybe not everything, because everyone tells you that it's something you'll never be prepared for, but we feel pretty ready.

I have gained a total of 22 pounds, weighing in at 147, whoa. My body is retaining water like I am a natural sea animal. Ankles huge, thighs huge, and hands swollen. I still have an innie belly button which I love, and my negra line (down my belly) has really faded which I love too. There are several other new things that are happening, like bodily functions that have never been a problem before, but now they are.

I have not purchased any maternity clothes, so now a days Im only down to a few pieces of clothing to wear. A pair of back leggings, some V-necks from american apparel, and one pair of stretchy jeans. No heels, ever, flip flops and uggs. It is very relaxing to wear those things, but frustrating that I can't dress up a little nicer when I go on dates with daddy. I feel so frumpy. It'll all change in a few weeks when I can start wearing normal clothes again.

I also can no longer bend over, shave my legs, or put on shoes. I just hold my breathe and try to get it done. 20 minutes later, Im off.

I love you so much already and my emotions have been so extreme lately. I am so incredibly happy one minute about you getting here, and then get very angry and upset the next, (not because of you, but other stuff) Sorry Gordon. I know its the hormones, and the fact that Im a few days from given birth but I still wish I could be more consistent.

Mommy and daddy love you and can't wait to meet you. Wish us luck and even though you'll be reading this after you're older, we still need the luck to be able to raise you.

Love always, Mommy. 

A new mother I will be...

....so does that mean I get to be celebrated this mother's day? It will fall 2 weeks before my due date, and I truly feel like I am a mother already, but I don't know if I am considered a Mother for others to celebrate next week. It does sound a little selfish, wanting to be celebrated for something, but I guess it's more like recognition. A few months ago, I heard from a friend that her sister in law got a new car for her "push present." "What the heck is a push present," I asked. Apparently it is a gift from baby daddy, for baby mommy to reward her for her 10 months of hard work, plus delivering a new baby. Not all easy work as most of you know, but I never knew you should receive a gift for that!!! To me, it is more of an honor for me that god allowed me to carry one of his children, and then later become that childs mother. That is a gift in itself. So no, I do not expect that my husband buy me a new car for giving north to his child, but I do feel the need for some recognition for all that pain, suffering, and surrendering of my life in order to go through this process. Maybe a hug, some flowers, or a sweet card. But if someone is feeling generous and wants to give more, I have put together some suggestions for not only myself, but other mothers out their. 

I realize that I have a lot of items on here from Anthropologie, but I can't seem to get enough of their products. They are so unique and special. I wish I could afford these things all the time, but for me, it is always an extra treat to get something from there.

1.  LINEN VANITY BUCKET- ANTHROPOLOGIE
2. NEMO BLANKET- SMALLABLE
3. DOMED FLORENTINE- DOONEY & BOURKE
4. KAREN WALKER SUNNIES- NEED SUPPLY
5. ALLEY SILK TEE- ANTHROPOLOGIE
6. BARR LOTIONS- K HALL DESIGNS
7. GALAPAGOS PILLOW- ANTHROPOLOGIE
8. HAND CARVED BUNGALOW SPOONS- ANTHROPOLOGIE
9. MERBEN JUTE BODY BRUSH-WEST ELM
10. STEVE MADDEN CUFFF SANDALS- PIPERLIME

34 weeks

I just had my 36 week check up yesterday, and the Dr. said that I have effaced 90% and I am 1cm dilated. I guess it looks like Im already progressing and there's not much more time for this little man to grow! Of course I love carrying this baby, the amazing moments I have experienced while being pregnant, and being a part of this extraordinary miracle god created called motherhood, but I am ready to be done with this 10 months. Im ready to have my normal body back to where I can bend over without hurting, eat without throwing up, sleep without waking up, and just be active again. Im ready to meet this little man, see what G and I have created, and just be a mother. I have waited so long for this moment, and it's 4 short weeks away (or sooner). Visiting my Dr. and hearing what she had to say really gave me hope that this is all progressing and there is an end result. Otherwise, it's felt like a never ending experience from a nightmare or something. 

Dear baby bird,

Mommy is tired of holding all this weight, and ready for you to be here!! Dr. said that things are moving along and getting really close. I have to cool it on extra stuff I do like cleaning, lifting things, exercising, and working too long. Of course Im fine with all that! I find myself always having to be doing something (I take after your grandma Cathy), even when Im sitting watching TV, I have to be doing something productive like sewing, or folding laundry, blogging, or reading. I need to really force myself to just relax.

I have started working from home one day a week, and then cutting my hours at work. I feel more secure with leaving the office up to someone else, but still not ready yet. It's going to be a hard transition for me. Spring is really come into full bloom here and I love the warm days we've been having. I have actually sat in the backyard with a book and some water just to lay out and get some sun! I love it, and really miss that part of California.

Last week was your daddies 38th birthday. I made him his favorite red velvet cupcakes, had balloons and a card waiting for him when he woke up that morning, and made his favorite Cheeseburgers for dinner that night. Because it was on a weekday, we didn't go out to celebrate. I did take him out last weekend for a nice steak dinner and gave him his 'floater' gift. I got us partial season tickets to see the Portland Timbers (our pro soccer team here) play. There are 6 games in the package, which is plenty, and they are spread out over the next 4-5 months. He loved them, but wishes he could actually be playing soccer instead. I think it'll be fun that you both will have birthdays close together! Im thinking of planning fun little trips or outings as a family to celebrate them each year!

You are the size of a honeydew melon this week, you weigh around 5 pounds, and are around 18 inches long! It seems like you are big enough to survive out here, but I need you to bake some more. I haven't gained anymore weight, so I think Im weighing 142 to 145. The Doc is not concerned. My belly button is still normal, I still have a crooked luna negra line up my belly (so ugly), and my legs have swollen up like balloons. They really are huge, can't see my ankle bones, feels like rubber bands around my joints swollen. I've gotten several varicose veins on my thighs which are not pretty, but luckily no stretch marks anywhere! I have been getting more nauseous every day due tho the fact that I have no stomach space to store food. So a few bites and Im full. I also have a hard time breathing and catch myself gasping for air several times a day.

I don't think I have many specific cravings these last couple weeks, but like I've said before, when I do get something that I want, I need to have it!!! I've been to the grocery store several times a week picking up things that I am craving, it's a little frustrating having to trek to numerous stores to satisfy my hunger! I am also having a hard time drinking water because it makes me feel so full, and then I don't want to eat anything. Its a little frustrating. My current daily obsession before I go to bed is a piece of sour dough toast with raspberry jelly and then 'girl scout cookie thin mint ice-cream' with milk and one mini frosted donut. Delish!

Your room is set and ready. I keep stocking up on more of the smaller items like diapers (which I've decided to take my cousin Amie's advice and use The Honest Comp. biodegradable  disposable diapers), baby wipes, and any clothes that I find on sale. I still really want more blankets or wraps, some Freshly Picked Moccasins (which I think your aunt Jillian is surprising you with), and more books & toys. I don't have any toys for you yet. Your daddy still needs to finish your closet so we can store all of the extra things in your room, and we are waiting on our order for your rocker and infant seat. In the mean time Jillian is letting us borrow her old one, and the store we purchased the rocker from is lending us a floor model until ours is shipped.

Couldn't be more happier in my life right now, and I thank heavenly father daily for all the gifts he has given me. Things aren't always perfect, but if you look at the positives in life, it will all seem perfect!

I love you my sweet, and I can't wait to hold you for the first time, snuggle with you on my chest, and rock you to sleep singing lullabies like my dad did for me!

Love always, Mommy. 

32 weeks

I realize I am behind on my weeks here. I am 35 weeks today (35 years old, & 35 days to go) crazy huh? Kinda a fun fact. I am continuing to work up until I am physically unable, which could be tomorrow or could be the day I go into labor. We've come up with a plan at work, but most things for work we will pay by ear. I have a girl to replace me, but she is still not 100% knowledgeable with everything. I would say she's about 50%. And I've told them that you need several years experience to become 100%, not just a few months of training. So I am very concerned about how its going to go the first 6 weeks I will not be involved with the office. I have suggested that I email her a few times a week and check things, but my bosses wife feels like I won't want to be doing that. I would rather do that and stay sane then not know what's going on, and come back to a big mess. Any suggestions on how we can work that out?

Gordon has officially started his new position as a Signal Man Apprentice. It's a 2 year apprenticeship, and the location will vary, but as for right now he is working out of Olympia (about 30 minutes North). He'll commute up there Monday-Friday and be home on the weekends. Once that job is complete, they assign his crew to another location. It can be as close as Portland, or as far as Montana! Kinda not looking forward to that, but he will always be home on the weekends no matter where they put him. So that is a plus! He needs to be home to see his little man grow!!

Dear baby bird,

Momma is 32 weeks here and is starting to get uncomfortable. I am so so happy to be growing you inside me, but growing a baby is hard work. I have been trying to stay positive, active, and energetic everyday, but I will admit that it get overwhelmed sometimes.

I have gained a few more pounds, so I am weighing 140 now (that's 15 pounds!!). My legs are the only thing on my body that has really changed much. I just tried to get in a of my shorts the other day and they barely got passed my knees. It doesn't look like I've gained a lot, but my legs have really swelled up. I think its water weight, which is all the other mommies tell me. My belly button is still inward (kinda a good thing), but it would be fun to see it pop out a little. I actually still feel sick about once a day, right after breakfast, and sometimes have to vomit. But once it's out, I feel much better.

We have totally finished your room (still waiting for your rocker to be shipped), and have been finishing odds and ends around the house to get it ready for mommy to have to ignore it for a month or so. Im also planning meals in my head that will make my life easier when you come, but Im sure I'll still end up making your daddies favorite things!

My Dr. visits are now every 2 weeks, and she checks to make sure your head is facing down, which it has been, and if you're still growing. You are perfect size, and you still get the hiccups almost daily. I don't think I like the feeling very much, but its so endearing that you are doing that, I don't mind that its uncomfortable.

I flew out to California this last weekend for Easter where Grandma Cathy and Aunt BJ held a shower for me. Some of our closets family members came and a few friends were able to be there too. I asked them to make it a "Children's Book Party" that way each guest would gift you a favorite book and write a little message inside. I always love that my mom and dad read to me every night since I can remember and I can't wait to start that with you. I received so many great stories, and a handful of books your grandma gave me from my childhood. I was also able to be with my sisters and parents for the weekend and share more of this pregnancy with them. Because we live so far away, nobody ever gets to feel my baby bump, feel you kick, go to any Dr. visits, or listen to my pregnancy stories everyday. It was nice to be with them all. I have such a great supportive family, I can't wait for you to be a part of it all. We also are planning our first trip to California to see all my siblings, your Grandma & Grandpa, all your cousins, and your Great-Grandma for a week, about 6 weeks after you arrive. I know you won't remember much, but we will take lots of pictures to show you when you grow up.

I am so anxious to meet you my sweet boy, and can't wait to spend 24 hours a day with your for the first several months of your life. Please come soon, I love you dearly.

Love Mommy. 

an LA weekend

Easter weekend was a really great weekend for me!! My mom flew me out to LA in order for me to have a little baby shower! I say little because I told her I didn't want anything extravagant or typical. So she had it at my favorite Italian Restaurant in Whittier called Datillo's, there were no games, only a few balloons, and 15 ladies! Perfect! Well it would've been perfect if a few of my closest friends were able to make it too, but they weren't.

 

Gordon stayed home to work that weekend, so I went down by myself. The last time I will probably ever be traveling alone, so I used it for all it was worth. I arrived Thursday night (midnight) at LAX into a mash of ethnicity's (which we don't get much of in Portland), smokers, screamers, potty mouths, and all traveling at the speed of light! I am seriously not used to this anymore. It's definitely kick back up here in Oregon/Washington, so it took me a minute to get used to it all. My sweet dad made the trek to pick me up, only rounding LAX twice taking 45 minutes to finally get to me. We HAD to stop by In-N-Out, because baby was hungry of course, and then home.

Friday we picked up my cousin Jeny from the airport (Jillian and her 2 kiddos had arrived Thursday night as well), and made our way down to the fabric district. I just picked up a ton of fabrics not really having a project to work on, but about 10 different ideas. I will show those finished projects once I figure them out. Thinking one reupholstered chair, 6 couch cushions (our new couch arrives this Saturday, Yippee), some burpies, and one little blanket for baby. We also managed to shop at Target for about 2 hours, get pedicures, squeeze in a nap, and then go out to dinner.

 

Saturday was the shower around noon. I loved just lounging around all morning, taking my time getting ready, running to Starbucks, playing with the kids a bit, and hanging out. My shower was great. We ate lunch, visited a bit, opened presents, and were on our way. It was short, but sweet, I love and appreciate everyone that made the effort to support me that day. There were many that traveled a long distance to be there, a few that I had never met, and of course those that spent a lot of dollar for that day!!! It does not go un-noticed! I mention "a few that I had never met" because Gordon's Aunt and cousin (who live about 5 minutes from Whitter) came to the shower. I have never met them, so it meant the world to me that they made that a priority. They are from Gordon's dads side of the family, and if you've heard me talk about his dad, then you'll know he is the nicest man ever. So his family was just as expected, nice, sweet, and came with giving open arms! Love them!

 

My brother and 2 nieces were part of a Mormon production at their stake center, so Saturday night the family went to watch them perform. It was an amazing performance, but sooo hard to sit still on metal chairs when you're 8 months pregnant!!! That night, my other brother Jared, wife Heather, and kids, stayed the night (serious house full of people) in order to go to Easter Sunday church with us, and spend Easter Sunday at my parents. It was the first time in like 10 years that I had been to church. I felt a little weird, but almost as though no time had gone by. Still saw people that had been there when I was young, and they still have the same systems and rituals. I didn't stay for Sunday School though. Can't do too much at once.

 

We had a fun Easter egg hunt, lunch, and played some games. Jillian had to start her drive home, and I took my grandma up to Uncle Dan's and Aunt Patties for some much needed homemade dinner! FYI, my parents kitchen is not in use, it's been under construction now for about 7 years, so we don't have full meals at their house. It was so great to visit with my cousin and her family, my aunt & uncle, and grandma. The greatest conversations I have with grandma seem to always be in the car because it's one on one time! Love her.

Monday I was able to meet up with a friend of mine, Allie, for lunch and a little shopping in Pasadena. Love her, and love that we can be apart for 2 years and go right back to how it was. My parents, me and my sister Ashley were able to meet up for dinner, and had a great relaxing time with no kids. I stayed up watching movies Monday night, and tried to get some sleep. Tuesday was back home.

Seriously the most perfect weekend! I'm so grateful to my mom for doing everything for me that weekend (and my dad too), and thankful to everyone else who has supported Gordon and I along the way. We feel a little left out and secluded all the time, (and I know we made the choice to move up here), so it's nice to feel wanted again. Love you all.

 

 

I love this picture, and the meaning behind it. My mother insisted that we take one after explaining 20 times that we didn't want cars in the background....jill fluffing her hair!

My mom snuck this in. My face obviously looks retarded, but I love the picture of the kids!

Beckham finished his ice-cream ever so quickly, only to have some left over on his face! He wasn't mad.....just trying to be patient for aunt Whitney!

My sister Danielle wasn't able to come down from Utah (don't blame her), but Jillian, and Ashley were there. My aunt BJ was the true $"host"$ of the party, and she drove in from Mission Viejo. I love her so much, and love all the great memories of her growing up.

Heather and my 2 favorite nieces, Emma and Grace. Drove up from Murrietta, CA.

Gordon's Aunt Laura and cousin Kristen.

My cousin Amie and my grandmother, who made me cry with the first gift being a typed letter from her, and a baby blanket for her great-grand baby. Sweetest woman ever.

Sisters, cousins, nuff said.

Sisters. My mom and BJ.

Sisters.

2 aunts! Love the support they've always given me. and unconditional love.

Those that came. G's aunt and cousin took the photos using 10 different Iphones and blackberrys!

I asked for Children's books as part of the baby shower (see the stack on the table?) It was so great opening each one and reading the letter they wrote to baby boy and me.

Quilt from great grandma.

Letter from grandma and cue Whitney crying. Sorry blurry Blackberry pic #mymomneedstogetaniphonealready

Hanging out at mom & dads watching videos this smartypants makes!

Beckham was very inquisitive about my belly!!! the cutest.

Pictures were all from 32 weeks.